Text me, Snap me, But don’t ever say you’re dating me.

Guess what? I have a Bumble profile.

So do the majority of people nowadays.

Whether it’s Bumble, Tinder, or any other dating app, a lot of single people have tried at least one. In fact, according to a Statista Survey, 19 percent of people currently use a dating app or online website, and 27 percent have used one previously.

30 percent of the people who use online dating sites or apps are between the ages of 18-29, so it makes sense that for someone within that age range, conversations about it are so common.

Yet, when you speak to an older age group about it, they tend to be more reserved, which is why their numbers would be lower. But that’s not the point of this.

Dating apps, social media, the ease of texting – these are all things that have dramatically changed the world of dating… and honestly, not for the better.

According to statistics, 84 percent of people are using these apps and online websites for actual romantic relationships. 43 percent for friendly contact. And 24 percent for a sexual relationship.

To be completely honest, it almost seems as though the percentages for romantic relationships and sexual relationships should be switched. The amount of times I, or my friends, am having a great conversation with someone only for it to be ruined by them asking, “Send pics? 😏” is ridiculous.

Or, even worse, when a guy feels the need to mention how ‘big’ he is. I’m sorry, dude, you’re not impressing anyone. Nor does knowing that make me want to hang out with you any sooner. In fact, I probably don’t want to meet you at all anymore.

People in general don’t really even know how to date anymore. I’ve grown up with my mom telling me stories about the guy from the restaurant who won her over with his charm, or the firefighter that she dated for a little while – all because they actually had the guts to go up to her and ask her out. (Both of these guys eventually broke her heart, but that’s not what we’re talking about.)

Nowadays, you say you’re “talking” to someone. Which is fine, don’t get me wrong. It’s the way the culture has changed overtime and that’s entirely normal.

The problem comes when you dare to drop the word “date” and people automatically freak out because, “Oh my god, you just clarified it as a date! It’s so much more than just two people grabbing food and talking for a few hours while having a good time!” If the guy calls it a date, everything is fine and dandy, but if the girl calls it a date… oh man, that girl is too attached, too clingy, completely head over heals in love with you already.

I hope you can understand how many times I actually rolled my eyes while writing that because of how ridiculous that sounds. But that’s the way society thinks these days.

Eventually, if you get past the point of hanging out a few times or going on a few dates, things can either keep going really well, or you’re going to hit a wall.

And here’s where we enter the part of things that I completely despise.

No one knows how to communicate. At all. Instead, they’ll “ghost” you or answer you less and less as time goes on before ceasing to talk to you at all. You’ll notice they’ll leave your Snapchats on open, or your texts on read, or maybe you even check their location on the ‘Snap Map’ because you’re curious as to when they were last active.

We have so many tools to know when someone is ignoring us or entirely avoiding us these days, that it’s completely ruining relationships and causing people to not be as trusting as they once were.

People hate confrontation. And they hate actually talking about things that matter. It’s hard enough to get someone to talk about things over text, so forget about even trying to do it in person. Once a problem arises, that’s it. It won’t be solved, it’ll just be ignored until things end and that’ll be it.

Imagine if everyone was upfront and told you how they felt. If they didn’t want to hang out anymore, if they didn’t see this going anywhere, if they started talking to someone else and want to pursue that instead. It’s so much better to know than to be dropped in a heartbeat and left wondering because then you feel like you didn’t mean enough for the person to actually communicate what was going on.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve seen this happen to my friends. It’s happened to me a few times, but it was never as involved or far along the line as they were.

It’s almost as though people can’t handle putting a label to something; like commitment is this nightmare of a thing that requires you to stay loyal to someone and once someone’s your “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” the entire relationship changes.

Meanwhile, the kind of relationship you have is the same exact one you had five minutes ago before you labeled it.

With the existence of dating apps, people crave to have numbers on them. For every match notification you get, your dopamine level goes up that much more. It makes you feel valued, like you’re wanted.

I’m not saying that dating apps don’t always work, or that if you’re clear about what you want you can’t eventually find that – because I’ve seen it work for people – but I do think they bring about a stigma that they’re able to get rid of any sense of companionship you’re longing for, when in reality, you’ll realize nothing really changes by having a certain number of matches or talking to a certain number of people.

Datings apps are convenient. I get that. That’s one of the reasons I use one, but just because it’s convenient doesn’t mean we should flush out all of the other skills we have in actually talking to someone and getting to know them in real life.

I’m going to get off my soapbox now, but if you made it this far, keep this in mind.

Don’t be afraid to talk to people in person. It is so much more impressive when someone approaches you in person, introduces themselves and asks for your number than when they decide to follow you on Instagram and slide into your DMs.

It is so much more rewarding to be honest and communicate rather than lose the importance of genuine human contact.

So be you. Approach people. Talk to people. And don’t be afraid to feel the way you feel or say what you’re looking for. If you’re on the opposite side of this and don’t want to be with someone anymore, speak up.

And don’t let a dating app run your life merely because it’s convenient and less scary.

Get out there. There’s a whole world of cool people waiting for you.

 

 

 

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